


Stranger Things Have Happened

by chocolatecastleinthesky



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, Ronan Lynch Has Feelings, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish Fluff, pynch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-07 21:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17968184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecastleinthesky/pseuds/chocolatecastleinthesky
Summary: A strange series of events leads to these oblivious dorks discovering how they feel about one another.Update: I'm not thrilled with how the story progresses. It will be properly updated at some point with actual revisions and such. Keep an eye out!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't really edited this much but I had it on my mind all day and needed to get it out!

Adam was sitting against the wall, knees pressed to his chest, laptop open in front of him. The laptop wasn’t new or fancy, it had a few missing keys, and it used to be Gansey’s. However, Gansey offered to sell it to him for all of $20, which he insisted wasn’t charity. Blue was typing on the laptop, stretched out across Adam’s bed, grinning.

“So we’re going to make your username alladamnoeve. Get it?” Adam groaned. She lightly punched his arm. “It’s funny!”

“But… it gives the wrong idea about me, don’t you think? I’m bi, not gay.” Adam pushed his head down into his arms and knees. He almost regretted asking Blue over to help with this, but it wasn’t like he could ask any of the guys. No, it was better to have your ex girlfriend help you sign up for a gay porn site.

“No one will care. And it’s not like you’re using this as a dating site or anything. It’s so you can catalog and discover what you like, right? Plus you can post to the forums/chat with someone if you need to talk about gay stuff.” Blue was very matter of fact about it as she typed away. “Any specific tags or interests you want to add?”

Adam groaned again, his ears turning red. “I think I’m good. I just needed… a push actually doing this.”

Blue grinned at him. “What, don’t want me to know your fantasies?” She closed the laptop and rolled onto her back. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, you know. Totally judgment free.”

He looked down at her, dark hair spread across his bed and a bright smile on her face. He knew she was being honest about that. “I just don’t get how you can be so… so blasé about this.”

“It’s just porn!”

“And that isn’t weird to talk about?”

“Nope. Ronan and I talk about it sometimes. Noah, too. Gansey…” She blushed. “Anyway, he and I don’t talk about it for, um, obvious reasons. But it’s seriously no big deal. Pretty sure everyone watches it at some point. It’s like masturbation – everyone does it, but no one discusses it or at least tells that they discuss it.” She rolled her eyes and Adam couldn’t help but feel how apt her “Feminist as Fuck” shirt was.

“Well, uh, thanks?” Adam didn’t know how to respond to that or how to acknowledge the slight increase in his heartrate at her words. Her watch beeped and she sighed, getting off the bed.

“I’d better get to work. You know where to find me if you need any other adult related advice!” She winked as she walked out of the apartment.

Adam reopened the laptop. He decided to watch a couple of things he’d heard about and was intrigued by. The website had a section where you could add your favorite videos to your profile, which allowed you to a) mark ones for repeat watching and b) look for similar videos of interest on other profiles. He watched a few, mind wandering and body tensing and relaxing as he marked favorites or dismissed others. As far as lazy days went, this one was rather exhausting.

* * *

The next day, they were set off to adventure again. Hiking was the draw of the day. They were worn out a few hours in and Gansey produced sandwiches, fruit, and waters for everyone for lunch. They sat around, chatting in the sun. Adam felt his mind wander to Cabeswater, as it often did. This time, it wasn’t calling to him. He wondered at the magic within it, the beauty it could contain and the ferocity. A beautiful storm, he thought, or a volatile beauty. These thoughts had him glancing over at Ronan, sitting a few feet away and making snarky comments to Blue. Adam averted his eyes when Ronan glanced his way, becoming very focused on his lunch.

When hiking wound down, they all settled in at Monmouth. Noah was playing with Blue’s hair while her legs were thrown over Ronan’s and her head leaning on Gansey’s thigh. He was sitting on the floor in front of them, head leaning towards her. They talked about what they found and not found that day. Noah suggested playing a board or card game and someone they all ended up fighting over Uno. Time wound down, and Blue and Adam headed back to their own places.

Adam was overrun with his thoughts from the day. He didn’t hesitate when he got home to open his laptop and post in one of the forums:

_Crush? On a Friend?_  
I’m bi – and recently I’ve been thinking a lot about one of my male friends. Only one of my friends knows I am bi so I can’t really ask them. How do I know that it’s a crush that I have on him? I don’t have much dating experience. Advice?  
Thank you.

He sighed. Within the hour, he had a few responses to the forum post. They ranged from “just tell him” to “if you want to fuck him, probably a crush” but nothing felt very satisfying as an answer. He was working on homework with his laptop open beside him so he could check for more responses every once in awhile. While he was sorting out equations for his Trigonometry class, he heard a ping from the computer and saw he had a private message from RLmotherfucker.

_Want to know how to tell if you see him as a friend or more than a friend?_

Adam rapidly typed back _. If you have any advice, I’ll hear it out._ He saw three little dots indicating that the guy was typing. During this time, he clicked onto the profile. He saw a couple videos in common for their favorites list, and then some BDSM videos. Adam had never thought it was particularly enticing, but that was with his background.

_Do you think of him as attractive? You get along as friends. Do you imagine fucking him when you watch these videos or are you focused on the people on screen? You have to ask yourself these questions, not anyone else._

Adam nodded a little. _But how would I know if it’s just lust or romantic feelings? He’s not the type of guy who does casual hookups or anything._

As someone who has a crush on their friend, this is how I could tell: When something good happens, I want to tell him. When something bad happens, I want to confide in him. When I see couples holding hands, I want to touch his. Do you imagine these things?

Adam paused to really consider these. Did he imagine holding Ronan’s hands? Was he desperate to confide in him? The answer surprised him as being a strong yes. He thought of how safe he felt with him. _I do._

_Then why don’t you fucking tell him?_

_Did you tell your crush?_

_No. He’s too damn good for me. I already know that. He has such big plans for the future. I’d be in the way. And he deserves every opportunity he can get, not being bothered by a shithead like myself._

_Then you understand why I can’t tell mine. He’s way too good for me. He doesn’t need someone like me making his life more difficult. Besides, he wouldn’t like someone like me. I’m not worth his time._

_Well, maybe your crush will fade with time._

_Has yours?_

_No. He’s been the center, the focus of my world almost since I met him. I try to do little things to show him he is loved but I can’t tell me outright._

_That’s not the most encouraging comment to hear. I don’t want to risk our friendship or risk him getting hurt because of me. But sometimes, I catch him looking at me or something and I get a flutter of hope. I know it’s ridiculous to hope though._

_That’s all I’ve got. I told you I could help you figure out if you liked him or not. I don’t have dating experience, just crush experience. The rest, that’s on you._

With that, the conversation was over and Adam was left feeling more confused than before. He liked Ronan. That much was clear. But what should or could he do with that information? He was frustrated. He closed the computer and turned back to his homework, barely focused on it.

* * *

Ronan was on his computer after Blue and Adam left. He was tense and on edge after spending the day with Adam. He’d be caught looking a few times and he beat himself up over it. Gansey was writing in his notebook and Noah was doing who knows what. He needed to take the edge off, and decided that masturbation would do the trick. He pulled up his porn account, to skim through his favorites and select one that would work him quickly. On the homepage, though, he saw a new post in the forum about crushing on a friend from a user called alladamnoeve. He smirked at the joke behind it and impulsively clicked on it. Maybe it was that it had Adam’s name in it. Maybe it was the joke. But he read through the post and the shitty replies and sent him a direct message. The anonymity made him brave to share his feelings about Adam. He looked through the guy’s profile. It was a new user, but he had a few saved videos, including some copies of his own favorites. The guy also had several verbal dominance videos marked. Ronan decided to try one of those out to take off the edge.

* * *

Adam was surprised to see Ronan in Latin class the next morning. “Wow, what did Gansey pull for you to show up to school today?” He sat in front of his friend, who kicked his seat.

“What, I can’t be interested in my own education, Parrish?”

Adam scoffed without turning around. “That would be a new concept.” He was reviewing his translation that was due. Gansey joined them and Ronan skipped out partially through the day. Adam was a bit disappointed, but focused on his classes. Henry Cheng joined them briefly for lunch, chatting about planning spring events and how Gansey should get involved. On their way out from their last class, Gansey asked him what time he’d be off work so he could come over.

Adam spent his time at Boyd’s working on a variety of issues. He thought of Gansey and Blue’s easy relationship. Her quick and relaxed relationship with Noah. Her confident friendship with Ronan. He wondered if he had that kind of closeness with any of them. He was so lost in thought he almost hit his head when Noah spoke to him.

“We can’t wait for you to come over.”

“What the hell, Noah?” Adam carefully ducked out from under the hood of an old pickup.

“We can’t.” Noah gave him a soft smile.

Adam rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you guys are having a ton of fun right now without me.”

“Clearly I am here with you. Ronan’s listening to his music and Blue and Gansey are discussing the merits of presentations in a classroom setting.” Noah sat next him. “It’s actually pretty quiet around the apartment most of the time when you aren’t there. Sometimes we joke around and stuff but mostly we do our own thing in the same space.”

“What’s your point?” Adam closed the hood of the car and walked to mark it off the list of jobs needing to be done.

Noah followed him. “My point is, you distance yourself sometimes and think you don’t belong in the group. But you do. Can I ride with you back? If I go alone, Ronan might through me out the window again. He was in a mood this afternoon.”

Adam nodded. “My shift is over in 30 minutes. If you don’t mind hanging out here until then, go ahead.” Noah spent that time regaling Adam with tales from his childhood, sharing things that he didn’t think the others had known.

* * *

That night they ate pizza in the living room of Monmouth that Blue had brought with her from work. She grinned with a devilish glint in her eye and Adam was afraid of what would come out of her mouth next. After she chewed her piece of pizza up, she announced, “We should play truth or dare!”

Ronan shook his head. “I don’t think I have enough alcohol here to make me do that.”

She glared at him. “Oh puh-lease. Are you that afraid of what we’d make you admit? Or are you too cowardly to complete whatever ridiculous task we decide on?” Adam was amazed at how well she poked Ronan’s buttons without backing down.

Ronan got up and walked in his room. Adam didn’t think he would come back out, but a few minutes later he emerged with a bottle of whiskey. “If someone doesn’t want to answer or do something, they have to have a drink.”

Gansey spoke up. “And nothing that would be dangerous to any of us.” He looked pointedly at Ronan but also glanced at Blue.

Adam spoke up. “No one is going to dare Blue to kiss anyone. We might be completely insane to agree to play this, but we don’t have a death wish.”

Blue clapped. “Awesome! Let’s get in a circle so we can go around in order.” Adam regretted coming over as they settled down. Blue was flanked by Gansey and Noah which left Ronan by Gansey and Adam between him and Noah. He had a feeling he was going to end up drinking more than he was comfortable with.

Blue started with Noah. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Did you crush on Whelk when you were alive?” Nearly everyone went wide-eyed at her blunt question. She wasn’t easing into things.

“Only for a little while. But it was brief and gone long before.” He didn’t need to finish that thought.

Gansey went next. “Adam, truth or dare.”

Adam stilled, unsure which would be worse. But with Gansey, he felt his options for dare were less dangerous than truth. “Dare.”

Gansey grinned. “I dare you to accept a gift of my choosing without complaint.”

Adam kicked himself. Only Gansey would find a torturous game a way to be charitable. He huffed. “Fine. What are you going to make me accept?”

Gansey thought for a moment. “Tomorrow, I’m going to take you grocery shopping.”

“That’s not one gift.” Adam glared at him.

“Sure it is. It’ll be one purchase.”

“That’s not how you classify a gift!” He looked to Blue for help, the only one who would understand. She shook her head, smiling at him. “Whatever.” He glared at them. “Wait, I can drink my way out of this, right?” He reached for the whiskey bottle and Gansey frowned. He took a swig and almost coughed at the burning sensation. Ronan smirked at his expression.

Blue laughed. “Ronan, you’re up!”

He was quiet for a moment, considering his options. “Blue, truth or dare.”

“Considering who’s asking, I think truth would be a safer option.”

Ronan grinned his shit eating grin. “Who do you imagine your first kiss to be with?”

The tension in the room skyrocketed. Adam didn’t think he’d feel too hurt if she didn’t say his name, even though he was her first boyfriend. Gansey looked like he might be sick. Noah flickered next to her. Blue looked uncomfortable and in a move that only mildly relaxed them, she took a swig of the whiskey. “Okay, Adam, you go.”

“Noah, truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

“Who was your first kiss with?”

Noah flickered and looked at the whiskey bottle with contemplation. It was quiet for several minutes before Ronan huffed. “Are you gonna answer the fucking question or take a swig from the bottle, dumbass? Or should I just throw you out the window again?”

Noah mumbled an apology. “I can’t stand whiskey… I’m sorry.” They all looked at him, confused by his apology. “My first kiss was with Blue.” It was barely a whisper and all of the boys stared at them in shock.

Adam was the first to react. “You kissed Blue??”

Gansey jumped in. “When?”

Ronan chuckled. “That was a hell of a twist. You didn’t get kissed until AFTER you were dead?”

Adam spoke again. “I thought you couldn’t kiss anyone?”

Gansey looked a little hurt. Blue finally jumped in. “Look, I didn’t think I’d ever get to have my first kiss! I don’t want to kill anyone! And we… we discovered there was a loophole for that. I didn’t know it was his first kiss, though.” She looked a little ashamed of that fact and Noah gently put his hand on her shoulder in reassurance.

Ronan said, “Was it good?”

“I only had to answer one question.” That was Noah, quietly chiming in. “It’s my turn. Gansey, truth or dare.”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Adam.” The whole room went still. Gansey looked thoughtful and then leaned over. Adam tensed up and then Gansey kissed Adam on his forehead. Noah smiled. “I guess that counts.”

Blue was up again, and ready to attack. “Adam, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“What was the last website you were on?” Adam groaned and grabbed the whiskey bottle for a second time. He didn’t flinch as much this time and was tempted to consume more at the way everyone stared at him.

Gansey went next. “Ronan, truth or dare.”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to do one of your competition dance routines.” Adam, Noah, and Blue’s eyes all lit up.

“Fuck you, Dick.” Ronan took the whiskey bottle.

This went on for a while, stories and actions circulating. It was revealed that Ronan had never been kissed. That Kavinsky had asked him to. That Blue once bit her teacher on the leg. That Gansey slept with a stuffed animal until he went to England. Adam had to sing and dance to the Little Teapot. Blue ate a relish and hot sauce sandwich. Occasionally they consumed the whiskey. As it got later and later, Adam became aware that he would need to head home for homework soon.

“Guys, I hate to be a buzz kill but I’m going to need to go home.” He stood and the room spun. He had had more to drink than the others. Gansey grabbed his arm.

“You aren’t driving in this condition!”

“I need to go, too.” Blue grabbed her bag.

Ronan spoke up, “I can drive Adam back and Gansey you can take Blue.” They all nodded and Noah went to his room as everyone else made their way out to their cars.

Adam groaned when he was trying to buckle himself in the passenger seat. Ronan looked over at him and shook his head. “Since when am I the sober one, Parrish?”

“Shut the fuck up, Lynch.” He grumbled and continued to fight with the seat belt.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Ronan leaned over and clicked it into place, and both boys tensed from the proximity of one another. Ronan sat up and took a deep breath. “Let’s get you home.”

Adam was feeling a little better when they got to St. Agnes, but Ronan followed him upstairs anyway. He ended up sitting against the wall while Adam sat at his desk to try and get some homework done. Ronan fiddled with the leather on his wrist. “Ugh this is boring.”

“You don’t have to stay.” Adam was quiet and not demanding.

“Right, cuz you’re totally okay to be alone right now.” Ronan was snarky in his reply but secretly didn’t want to leave.

“Whatever. If you’re that bored, use the computer.” Ronan sat on the bed to open the computer when Adam processed what he had just said. “Shit!” It was too late. Ronan was staring in shock at website he was all too familiar with, except the username in the corner read alladamnoeve. Adam turned fluorescent red. The conversation from the previous day flooded into his mind.

“All Adam No Eve? Really Parrish? I didn’t know you were so witty.” Ronan’s heart and mind was racing.

“I didn’t come up with it.” He was mumbling sat numbly in his chair.

Ronan was shocked. “Who did?”

“Blue.”

“Blue. Your ex girlfriend picked out the name you used for a porn site?” Adam nodded. “Why the fuck?”

“I didn’t know who else to ask.”

“You have several close guy friends but you couldn’t ask one of us?”

“It’s complicated!”

“Why, because it’s a gay site? You really think that would bother us?” Ronan was scrambling for words.

“That’s not it! It’s just… awkward.”

“And you were asking for advice? On a porn site?”

Adam looked at him, embarrassed and angry. “Don’t go through my profile!”

Ronan was quiet before whispering, “I didn’t. I wouldn’t.”

Adam became confused. “Then how did you… R. L. Motherfucker. R. L. Ronan Lynch.” His head fell into his hands. “Of freaking course.”

They sat there in silence. Ronan broke it by hesitantly asking, “Who is it?”

Adam sat straight up. “Excuse me?”

“What I can’t ask you who it is? The friend you’re crushing on?”

“I could ask you the same damn thing.” Adam held Ronan’s look with a glare, walls going up around him rapidly.

Ronan stood, frustration building. He couldn’t put his finger on why he was so riled up. Except maybe that Adam had a crush on someone and it wasn’t him.  He walked over to the wall and leaned against it, trying to get his emotions under control. “You don’t seem that surprised to find out that I was on that site. So why are you so embarrassed about it?”

“It’s just very private, okay? And I guess… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like something you wouldn’t do.”

“Yet you’ll tell a ‘stranger’ online about your crush?” Ronan was snarkier than he meant to be.

“Yeah. Cuz I didn’t think we’d ever know who the other person was!” Adam was red and angry and a little tipsy still.

“So you won’t tell me anything about him now even though you did before.”

“Correct.”

“What the fucking hell.” It was said matter of factly.

“Why do you even care? It doesn’t matter. Which I said online. It won’t affect anything.” Adam threw himself on the bed. Part of him wanted to blurt out the truth and the alcohol wasn’t helping him contain that particularly impulse.

“Maybe because I’m your friend and I want you to be happy?”

“And I said it wouldn’t matter!” Adam yelled that first part and then whispered the next. “I’m not worth his time. I take up too much of it as it is.”

“What the fuck are you saying?” Ronan was clenching his fists, trying not to punch the wall he leaned against.

“You obviously heard me.” Adam was sullen.

“If you won’t tell me who he is, tell me why you don’t think you deserve him.”

“He’s too good for me. I’d make his life messy if he was even remotely interested. He is so… deserving of more than I can offer him.”

“You’re selling yourself short, Parrish.”

“I think I’m just seeing things clearly.”

Ronan thought through Adam’s list of friends. “Why don’t you tell Gansey?”

“What? That I’m on a gay porn site? That I’m bi? Why the hell would he need to know?”

“About your crush, shitface.” Ronan could feel his chest constricting even as he said it.

“I repeat, why the hell would he need to know?” Adam was frustrated. If Ronan was into Gansey, then why would he want Gansey to know anything about this conversation?

“Because even if he’s not into you, you’d at least know!”

“Wait. What?” Adam was sure he misunderstood Ronan now. “You think I’m… you’re such an idiot!”

“No offense, Parrish, but you don’t exactly have a lot friends that I know of. So it’s pretty obvious.”

“You’re so fucking stupid.”

“Excuse me? I think I’m being perfectly fucking logical here.”

Adam scoffed. His blood was boiling. He stretched out on the bed, facing the wall. “You are utterly clueless about who I’m talking about.”

“Is it someone you see at school?”

“When he’s there.”

“Someone to talk to outside of school?”

“Yep.”

“Then who else would it be?”

Adam rolled his eyes. “Do you seriously need more freaking clues? How about you just tell me who yours is.”

“He’s determined. Smart. Incredibly handsome.”

Adam snorted. “So you like Gansey.”

“What? No!”

“You’re going to tell me you’ve never been into Gansey?”

“Maybe a little in middle school. But not since then. Are you going to keep avoiding this question?”

“Fine. The guy I’m into.” Adam wasn’t sure why he was doing this. “He has an unusual pet. He is a lot kinder and gentler than he seems.”

Ronan was frustrated. Why wouldn’t Adam just say who it was? It would be so much easier for him to try and move on if he knew who Adam wanted to be with. “So what’s his name?”

“Why are you such a dumbass? It should be pretty freaking obvious by now.” Adam continued to face the wall.

“Well, it’s not! So why don’t you just come out and say it?” Ronan was growing more irritable and couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just drop this conversation.

“Fine, you want to know so bad? Then we both share. Grab a piece of paper and two pens. We’ll write it down and exchange papers and then read them on the count of three.” This had to be one of his stupidest ideas yet, but Adam was tired and tipsy and frustrated.

“Fine!” Ronan knew he would regret this decision but what was one more bad decision to add to his life?

The boys sat back to back and scribbled onto the paper, Adam folding his up and Ronan crumbling it. They switched papers over their shoulders, not making eye contact. Adam started. “One.”

“Two.”

Both of them said three together. Adam’s breath caught in his throat when he read the one word scrawled on the paper: you. Ronan couldn’t believe his eyes. On his carefully folded scrap of paper, in Adam’s neat handwriting was the word: you. Neither boy made an effort to move, processing what this meant.

Adam felt air on his back as Ronan moved. He closed his eyes, not ready to confront what was happening. This was not real. He was asleep and in a drunken dream. “Adam.” The word was like a breath of fresh air, making Adam shiver. “Adam, look at me.”

Adam slowly opened his eyes, and Ronan was sitting across from him. “You. You said me. But why?”

“I think I made it clear when I didn’t know who I was messaging.” Ronan spoke softly and blushed. Adam had never seen Ronan blush and now he wanted to see it happen again and again.

Adam closed his eyes again. “But why?” His voice was shaky, unsure.

Ronan realized that Adam needed proof that he was worth loving. That he deserved happiness and comfort and support. Nervously, he held Adam’s hands. The hands he had marveled at for so long. “Adam.” His name felt precious on his lips, a name he had refrained from saying for so long, feeling like it would be blasphemous to speak it when it would be so loaded with affection. “You are so determined and stubborn. You have these amazing dreams and work for them. You don’t expect anything to be just given to you and you don’t take anything for granted. You lived through hell and yet you are so kind and caring. You don’t let your past define you.” Ronan gulped, his voice shaky. “You are beautiful. You challenge me. You make me want to be a better person. I… I want to take care of you. Not because you need someone to, but because you deserve to be given the opportunity to rest, relax, and be cared for.” Ronan glanced down, looking at the hands he had fantasied about, dreamt about, and dreamt for.

When he looked at Adam’s face, he saw a tear slip down his cheek. Ronan pulled Adam into his arms and held him. Adam whispered to him. “I never even let myself imagine you wanting me until recently. It seemed selfish of me to.”

Ronan rested his face in Adam’s hair. “The only selfish thing you’ve done is not let any of us in to show you how much we care.”

Adam looked up, and gently cupped Ronan’s cheek. Ronan’s eyes fluttered closed. “Ronan, can I… Can I be your first kiss?” Adam blushed, asking. He didn’t have the courage to just go for it.

“That would be… it would be perfect.” Ronan’s eyes had flown open but now he was leaning towards Adam and Adam was leaning towards him and their kiss was soft and lingered. Even after their lips separated, they kept their eyes closed, foreheads pressed together. Adam yawned, unwillingly breaking the spell. Ronan just smiled. “I’ll let you go so you can sleep.”

Adam’s voice was thick with accent, “S’ok to stay. You don’t have to go just cuz we kissed.” Ronan smiled, and settled in on his place on the floor. “Don’t gotta stay down there either. I can make some room.”

Ronan shook his head. “I think I’ll stay down here tonight. I want to… I want to sleep next to you. But you need rest and I don’t usually sleep well.” He kissed Adam’s head and curled up to sleep.

* * *

The following morning, Adam woke with a wicked headache and clashing memories that he couldn’t distinguish between reality and dreams. He sat up slowly, and saw a glass of water and some medicine on his desk with a note. _I went to grab us some breakfast. I hope you remember what happened last night._

Nervously Adam worked at sifting through his thoughts. He took the medicine and decided to take a quick shower. What happened last night? He remembered leaving Monmouth and then arguing with Ronan and two papers… he remembered Ronan whispering to him and him curled up against him. Adam realized that he had admitted how he felt to Ronan and Ronan responded… positively? He wished he remembered more and was scared to ask Ronan to fill in the blanks – unsure if a snarky, sarcastic answer would be worse than a sweet and honest one.

When he got out of the shower, he threw on his boxers and uniform pants. He walked out of the bathroom still toweling his hair only to met with the smell of McDonald’s breakfast food. “That smells amazing.” He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he was met with the tantalizing smell of a fast food breakfast.

Ronan’s mouth was dry. “You fucking look amazing.” Adam realized that Ronan was staring at him and that he was only half clothed. He quickly blushed and pulled on his uniform top. He only owned long sleeve ones, accustomed to hiding the bruises and scars that had typically covered his body. Ronan forced himself to look away, blush tinging his face as well. “Um, here. I didn’t know what you would want but figured you’d want something and also coffee and…”

Adam walked over and before taking the food, tentatively kissed Ronan. “Thank you.” Ronan was speechless as Adam sat down to eat his food and put on his shoes. He glanced over at the Irish boy. “Are you… are you coming to school today?” Ronan nodded.

“Think I could get a ride? Sort of left the shitbox at Monmouth last night.” Adam smiled at him, a rare uninhibited smile.

“No, I think you’ll have to walk.” Ronan smirked but grabbed Adam’s bookbag.


	2. Blue the Mediator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue plays counselor to Ronan's budding relationship

Adam couldn’t help it. It felt wrong somehow, but curiosity got the best of him. It was late and he had left Monmouth in a good mood. He and Ronan didn’t act any differently. But it seemed like every brush of their skin made his skin hum. So he opened up his computer and clicked on Ronan’s profile. He skimmed through the videos in his favorites collection. He realized going through them that in addition to the BDSM, car sex, and oral sex videos that he had observed before – videos specifically on hand jobs and the focus of the video on the hand, videos of submission, videos of Southern boys, videos themed with cheesy romance. Adam’s face was flushed as he scrolled through Ronan’s favorite videos, wondering how often he watched them and what he would do while watching them.

His pants grew more and more constricted and his breathing heavy as he imagined Ronan watching these videos. Then, his mind wandered to the hand cream Ronan had given him and wondered how much Ronan had observed his hands to notice and then he thought of the hand job videos in particular. He imagined Ronan’s reactions to him sliding his hands down his body, and then over Ronan’s dick. Adam made a little noise without realizing it and quickly removed his jeans and boxers. He sighed a little at the relief before his hand started moving. He closed his eyes and imagined that he and Ronan were touching each other. After that, it didn’t take long for him to finish. He hadn’t even opened a video.

* * *

It had been nearly a week since Ronan and Adam had confessed their feelings but neither had brought it up and Ronan hadn’t stayed over since. Despite that, Ronan didn’t immediately look away when Adam caught him looking, even he did blush a little. He found himself at school more, if only to be closer to him. He couldn’t count how many times he wanted to kiss him – gently, fiercely, slowly, hard. It killed him to not be able to. But he wasn’t sure how Adam would react and especially without a defined relationship to explain to others.

It was late. Another sleepless night in Monmouth. He could hear Gansey working on his model Henrietta. Noah was nowhere to be found. He did what he often did and grabbed his computer. He pulled up the porn site before remembering Adam’s account. His skin began to hum when he clicked on the favorite’s list. One part of him felt like this was spying, invasive. Another part told him it was publicly available online, even if it was supposed to be anonymous. The biggest part that guided him was his already hardening dick.

Adam’s favorite list wasn’t as extensive as Ronan’s. Of course, his profile was new, too. But he was a little surprised to see a few new additions since the last time he had been on there. The thought of Adam watching and exploring porn sent another shot of blood down his body. He had noticed the theme of domination before but none of it physical. He saw several oral sex videos. He was only a little surprised by car sex ones. He was a little surprised by suit themed one. He audibly gasped when he saw a punk one.

Ronan was skilled at keeping himself quiet. He had had roommates that didn’t sleep and didn’t want to draw attention to himself. It wouldn’t be the first time they would be aware that someone in the apartment was masturbating, but it wasn’t the most comfortable thing. Yet this time while he touched himself, he found himself having to hold back Adam’s name. A video of one guy stretched out on the hood of a car while another blew him fueled his orgasm, all the while imagining Adam on his BMW.

* * *

The next day at school, Ronan couldn’t meet Adam’s gaze. Their glances were even more furtive than usual. It was Friday, and Gansey kept up enough talk for neither of them to need to do more than occasionally agree with him. “So, I actually have to go to my parents this weekend. I’ll be leaving after school. I asked Blue to check a few things about Glendower but honestly, without mapping Cabeswater more, it will be difficult to identify spaces to search and we need to do that as a group.”

Adam absentmindedly agreed, eating the small lunch he had packed. It always set Ronan on edge to see how little Adam ate but he also knew that Adam wouldn’t accept anything else. Despite this, he couldn’t help but watch Adam unwrap his sandwich, his fingers casting shadows on the bread and table.  Ronan forced his eyes off his rough and calloused hands to respond to a question Gansey had about his weekend plans. “I was actually going to hang out at Fox Way tomorrow.” Adam looked over in surprise. “Blue and I have been working on a few things. Figured it would be a good time.” He shrugged and poked at his pasta salad he’d gotten from the cafeteria.

Gansey nodded. “Adam?”

“I’m working most of Saturday. Sunday I have off, though. Probably get ahead on some homework then.” Adam tried not to meet Ronan’s eyes during his admission of being free. He desperately wanted to ask Ronan to come over. At the same time, he had no idea what he would do if he did.

After school, the three of them parted ways. Ronan to do whatever Ronan did on weekends without Gansey and Adam to work. Ronan was the last to leave the parking lot, watching Adam move out of the parking lot and contemplating whether he should approach him on Sunday.

* * *

Saturday mornings were lazy mornings, even at Fox Way. Comparatively, anyway. Ronan arrived to see the ladies sitting in the kitchen in their pajamas. The house smelled of bacon and waffles. Blue grinned when she saw him and hopped off the counter, yogurt being tossed in the trash with the fruit uneaten. They went up to her room and lounged on the bed.

Blue grabbed some dark blue nail polish that had tiny specks of black glitter in it. Ronan watched as she painted her toes. “I heard you’ve actually been at school this week.”

Ronan laughed. “Gansey that impressed, huh? Yeah. Figured I could go now and again. Can’t hurt.”

“If you say so.” She kept painting, occasionally cleaning up a stray bit on her skin. “Have you seriously never kissed anyone?” She glanced at him when she had finished her first foot.

Ronan nodded. “I was honest when I answered.” He didn’t lie but he didn’t answer her question..

“Have you wanted to?” She was working on her other foot.

“Well, yeah.” Ronan rolled onto his back. “But wanting to and getting to are two fucking very different things.”

“Preaching to the choir, dumbass.” Blue rolled her eyes.

He glared at her. “Excuse me, miss kissed Noah Czerny? You want to explain that one?”

She sighed, finishing her toes. “Can I paint your nails?” Ronan paused before nodding. “It was when Adam and Gansey were in D.C. You were doing who knows what with Kavinsky.” Ronan hissed at her innuendo. “We were hanging out at Monmouth, playing pool and jumping on his bed and just being goofy. Then we were…” She blushed. “We were laying in Gansey’s bed. And I was talking about the struggle on wanting to kiss someone and not being able to and not knowing if I was truly in love with Adam or not. You CANNOT tell anyone about the part about being in Gansey’s bed. Anyway, I told Noah about the curse thing and he said that if I wanted to know what it was like, we could kiss. And then I found out I was really bad at it.” She laughed. “He had to instruct me how to relax and to not think about it. I didn’t know it was his first kiss, too. Yet he was walking me through it.”

Ronan laughed, careful not to move his hands. “Adam and Gansey were so confused and I bet a bit disappointed when Noah answered.”

Blue smiled. “I talked about it with Gansey on the ride home. Except about being in his bed.” She finished one hand and grabbed his other.  “I swear you guys have been friends longer but you guys don’t communicate as much, do you?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Noah didn’t tell you guys. I mean, I assume Noah knows most of our secrets. He references that sometimes when we hang out. But Adam…” She paused, realizing she couldn’t go on.

“Adam asked you to set up a porn account.” Ronan finished her thought, turning a slight shade of pink in his ears.

She stared at him. “You know?”

“He had it open on his computer the other day when I was over and explained that you picked out the name.” Ronan carefully phrased his words.

“Oh. Yeah. Apparently you guys don’t talk to each other about sex stuff? Like you and Adam have both talked to me. Noah and I have talked about it. Gansey… well that’s a different story.” It was her turn to blush as she capped the nail polish. Ronan grunted in admission while he sat up to look at his nails. “Do they know? About you know.”

“I think so. I haven’t actually told them but I haven’t acted otherwise. Gansey probably more so than the others since we’ve known each other so long.” Ronan avoided talking about Adam.

“I don’t think they’d care.”

“I know they wouldn’t.” Ronan replied casually. “I just don’t want to make a deal out of it.”

“Fine. You know, you cuss way less around me.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re a goddamn lady.” He grinned as she chucked a pillow his way. He paused. “Maybe I’m buttering you up so you will do a favor.”

“Eat shit, Lynch.” Blue laughed, throwing her legs over his lap. “What’s up?”

“I… I like someone.”

“And?”

“And I think he likes me back. Well, I know he does.”

“So you want my blessing or something to date him?” She snorted. He grimaced.

“No, it’s… it’s just that I don’t know if we should be an actual relationship. Or how to put a label on something that isn’t clear. I don’t want to end up hurting him.” Ronan was rarely this vulnerable.

“Why are you asking me and not him?”

“I haven’t talked to him much since we both admitted to liking one another.” Ronan’s confession embarrassed him. “It’s been awkward. But I want to date him. Shit, I want to date him.”

“And kiss him and more?” Blue raised an eyebrow and he threw the pillow back at her, careful not to smudge his nail polish.

“Yes to all of that. But I mostly want to hold his hand and show him off to the world. But I’m not sure that is what he would want.”

“As someone who had a not quite relationship with undetermined space and real feelings, all you can do is communicate with them. See if they’re ready to be public or not. But also be prepared for any backlash if you go public after waiting awhile.”

* * *

Adam was working on his homework when the church bells rang, signaling the end of mass. Adam glanced out the window to see people spilling out to their cars. A black BMW was within his line of sight and his gut clenched, knowing Ronan was somewhere down below him. He was staring out the window, lost in thought, when a banging at the door made him drop his book on the floor. Cursing, he opened the door to a well dressed Ronan. His mouth went dry.

“No hello for me, Parrish?” Ronan flashed his shit eating grin and walked in.

“Hi, Ronan. What are you doing here?” Adam walked over to pick up his book and place it back on his desk. Ronan was relaxing on his bed and had already loosened his tie. Adam could feel himself getting a little dizzy at the sight of Ronan all dressed up. Even at school in his uniform, he managed to make it disheveled and disorderly.

“Thought you might want to have some company while you work. Or want to hang out or go for a ride or something. I don’t intend on sitting around bored all day.” Adam tried to keep breathing normally.

“I wouldn’t mind company. Though I do have to get some work done. Can’t just take off right now.” He sat back down at his desk, feeling eyes on his neck as it grew red.

“Are you hot or something, Parrish? Neck seems to be red.” Adam turned more red and didn’t respond. He didn’t hear the catch in Ronan’s voice as he realized the effect he was having simply by sitting in the same room. When Adam didn’t flip the page over in the book for awhile, Ronan spoke up again. “Distracted or something? You don’t take that fucking long to read a page.”

“Yes. You are incredibly distracting.” Adam tried to sound irritable but came across a little too breathy to be effective.

Ronan gulped. He had thought of a plan before church this morning. Even Declan had been surprised to see Ronan in a tie for church. He normally dressed nice, but not to the extent he had today. He had been thinking about the video saved on Adam’s profile of a well dressed man. He hoped he wasn’t wrong about this. He approached Adam’s desk and quietly said, “That wouldn’t have anything to do with what I’m wearing, would it?” Adam couldn’t breathe. Ronan hesitantly stepped back, worried he’d crossed a line.

Adam finally found his voice. “How…how did you…” He gulped.

“Know? You may have saved a video that implied that you would like this.” Ronan started mumbling by the time he said video. His admission of looking at his saved videos made Adam gain confidence. If he wasn’t the only who had done that, then it wasn’t wrong.

Adam stood and turned to face Ronan, standing there unsure about whether he was doing something wrong. Adam slowly walked closer. He leaned up and whispered into Ronan’s ear. “Glad I wasn’t the only one looking at a profile.” When his breath hit Ronan’s ear and neck, he let out a little sound. Both boys caught their breath at that response. Adam leaned up again, this time to kiss him.

It started soft but hungry. He slipped one hand around Ronan’s neck and had the other tightly holding onto his button down shirt. Ronan responded just as eagerly, holding Adam closer with an arm around his waist and the other feeling its way through his sandy hair. When Ronan’s tongue touched Adam’s lips, he gasped and let him in. Ronan thought he was going to pass out from the sensations he was feeling. Reluctantly he stepped back from Adam, who kept one hand on his shirt. Both of them had their eyes turn stormy with desire.

They were both shaking. “Adam.” Ronan’s voice was soft, dripping with desire and admiration. This time they came together fiercer, begging to know each other better. They parted lips again but remained pressed together. “Adam.” Ronan struggled to catch his breath. He blushed a deep red. “I think my knees are going to give out.” Adam laughed silently and nodded, pulling Ronan to the bed, still refusing to untangle his hand from Ronan’s shirt.  As they sat down, Ronan grinned at Adam’s hand on his shirt. “You really like when I dress up then.”

“Fuck yes.” Adam groaned the words, eyes closing briefly. Ronan grabbed Adam’s free hand and kissed each knuckle before turning it over to kiss his palm. Ronan’s whole body was on fire when he put his lips on the finger tips and Adam’s breathing hitched. “You like my hands.” It wasn’t a question but Ronan murmured in agreement, continuing to kiss the features of Adam’s hardworking hands. Adam gulped. “I’d like to know how they feel on your tattoo.”

Ronan stilled. Adam became worried he’d over stepped and started to pull back into himself. Ronan gently untangled Adam’s hand from his shirt and Adam pulled back. Eyes cast down, he sat with his hands on his knees, wondering if Ronan was going to leave now. He didn’t feel any change in pressure beside him and when he looked over, Ronan was unbuttoning his shirt with his eyes closed and focused breathing. Adam’s mouth gaped open but he scooted over and took over Ronan’s job. His eyes flew open and he gasped each time Adam’s skin brushed against his chest.

Adam slid the shirt over Ronan’s shoulders slowly and Ronan turned so he had his back to Adam. Adam slowly traced the giant tattoo, marveling at the details contained in it. “Wow.” Ronan’s breathing was ragged under Adam’s careful and sensuous observations. “Ronan.” Adam’s hand continued tracing and he was mesmerized at how the tattoo had become Ronan’s armor. He leaned in and kissed it without thinking anything but how he wanted to know how it felt under his lips. Ronan moaned and Adam’s body reacted.

“Shit, Adam.” Adam kissed him again and Ronan tried to temper his vocal reaction. Ronan turned around and pushed his lips against Adam’s. His hands slid under Adam’s shirt and he let go only to finish pulling it over his head. Adam’s eyes became alarmed and he froze. Ronan paused and whispered. “Is this okay?”

“Give me a minute.” It was breathy and unsure and Adam closed his eyes. He had spent so long covering his body. Ronan rested his lips on the top of Adam’s head, kissing him gently and giving Adam time to decide. “I… I’m okay.”

Ronan looked him in the eyes and saw he was still unsure. Adam nodded at the question in his eyes and Ronan kissed him again, gently. He kissed down his jaw and Adam made tiny noises when Ronan kissed him just above his collarbone. Ronan’s hands gently traced the outlines of muscles and scars on Adam’s body. “You’re beautiful.” Every time he came across a scar, he kissed it. Adam’s hands hesitantly made their way to Ronan’s shaved head. Ronan froze when that happened, lips pressed against Adam’s stomach. He lifted his head and moved up Adam’s body to kiss him again and again. Finally he nestled his head into the crook of Adam’s neck. “You are so… wow.”

Adam wrapped his arms around Ronan, shifting so they were side by side. “Ronan?” Adam’s voice was barely audible but Ronan lifted his head up to look Adam in the eyes. “Do you really… do you really think that?”

“Think what?” Ronan gently kissed each freckle on Adam’s face.

“That… That I’m attractive?” Adam’s voice wavered. He wanted Ronan so badly but he still couldn’t believe that he felt the same, even as they lay chest to chest.

“Of fucking course.” Ronan pulled back a little bit to look Adam in the eyes again. “You… You’re the most attractive, beautiful, sexy, hot man I have ever seen.”

“Even with… with the scars and bruises?” Adam worked to sound less afraid.

Ronan smiled softly. “You really think scars would bother me? I’m covered in them.” He paused. “Does that bother you?”

Adam shook his head. “No.” It was his turn to rest his head in the grooves of the warm body beside him. He mumbled. “You think I’m sexy?”

Ronan gulped, feeling Adam’s lips and breath on his neck. “Hell yes.” Adam’s ears flushed.

“Do you… do you think of me when… when you’re watching those hand videos?” Ronan’s whole body jerked and Adam quickly turned away, fearing he’d crossed the line again.

Ronan’s arms wrapped around him from behind, chest pressed to Adam’s back. “And the others.” Adam’s breathing stopped. “Is that okay?” Ronan’s insecurity came out in his question.

“Y-yes.” His brain was flooded with thoughts and feelings. His breathing was getting more and more shallow and he was getting dizzier and dizzier. He realized he was having a panic attack and desperately wanted to hide that from Ronan. He was shaking and his breathing was getting worse.

“Adam?” Ronan pulled apart from him. “Are you okay?” Ronan’s concern was genuine and made Adam more embarrassed. He slipped off the bed, putting his head on his knees and his arms over the back of his neck. It wasn’t the first time he’d had one. But this was a completely different situation so he was at a loss. All he knew was that he didn’t want Ronan to see him like this, so weak.

Ronan didn’t know what to do. He mentally cursed himself for making Adam so uncomfortable. He waited a few minutes and then slid down next to him, bringing the blanket and wrapping it around the other boy’s shoulders. Ronan had had panic attacks before and he recognized that was what was happening. He also knew that handling a panic attack was a very difficult thing to manage. “Adam, I’m sorry.”

Adam shook his head. “Don’t be.” It was hard to hear the words that came out between strangled breaths. Ronan’s heart tugged. He reached a hand out towards Adam but thought better of it.

“Do you want me to go?” Ronan’s voice was quiet and filled with pain, mostly from knowing he had caused Adam to hurt and that was something he never wanted.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t want… I don’t want you to see me like this.”

Ronan sighed with understanding. “I get them, too, sometimes. We can stop… whatever this is. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, especially this badly.”

“That’s not it.” Adam struggled for air and for words, glad that Ronan had given him the blanket. “I… I don’t know what caused it. I was… feeling so much and I guess… I guess I didn’t know how to handle it.” His shoulders dropped. “I just hate that you have to see me like this. So weak and pathetic.”

Ronan did put his hand on Adam’s shoulder now. “You. Are. Not. Weak. Or. Pathetic. You are one of the strongest people I know. I could never see you that way.” He paused. “It’s an overload of feelings. I understand that. I can’t think when I’m touching you.”

“I’ve never...” He was quiet, his breathing starting to return to normal. “I’ve never had someone hold me like that. Want me like that.”

“We can move more slowly, if you want to keep doing… whatever.”

Adam looked at him. “What are we doing?” He gulped. “I… I know you. You don’t do casual. But you haven’t asked me if I want to be your boyfriend, either. So I guess that adds to my confusion.” He was still shaking. Adam was terrified that the reason Ronan hasn’t asked is because he’s ashamed to be seen in public with him.

Ronan was quiet. “I didn’t know what you wanted. If you wanted to be seen with me in public. I wasn’t sure how to handle that.”

Adam whispered. “I want to.” Ronan looked at him, a smile playing on his lips. “Can… can you hold me again? I really liked that.” Ronan helped him stand back up and the two of them stretched out on the bed, Ronan’s arms wrapped around Adam, who rested his head on Ronan’s chest. Before they knew it, they had drifted off to sleep, feeling safe.

* * *

Noah was weaving flowers into Blue’s hair under the large tree in her backyard when Ronan showed up after school on Monday. He smiled at Ronan and went back to his work. Ronan flopped down next to them, pulling Blue’s attention away from the book she was reading for class. “Hello to you, too.”

“He wants to date me.” Ronan didn’t meet her eyes. “But I sort of gave him a panic attack yesterday.”

“How did you do that?” Noah chimed in and Blue stared at Ronan intently.

“We kissed. A lot.” He could feel the blood rushing to his face and ears. “We took off our shirts and cuddled and then he was panicking. I think I pushed him too far with some things I said.”

“Well, what did you say?” Blue was demanding.

“Fucking hell, Blue. If I say too much…”

“It’s not like you guys aren’t officially dating now, right? So I would meet him eventually. Better to just get this shit out in the open to me since you drove all the way here to ask for my advice.”

Noah hummed in agreement, finishing his job with Blue’s hair and settling down to lean on her shoulder. Ronan looked at them. “Fine. We sort of know each other’s kinks and we’ve barely made out and we may have referenced the fact we know that these are for one another because…” He took a deep breath. “We talked before we knew that the person on the other end of the computer was someone we knew. Then we discovered that we were on the same porn site.”

Blue started laughing hard and Noah smiled knowingly. Blue’s book fell to the ground and Ronan glared at her. “You. And Adam?” She broke into giggles. “Oh my god that’s perfect.”

“Fuck you. I gave him a panic attack! I was too forward. I, ugh.” Ronan put his head on the ground. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Talk to him.” Noah was calm and elbowed Blue to stop laughing. “Communicate. I know that’s hard for you to do, but try.”

Ronan cursed Noah out and sat up. “Whatever. Just, don’t tell Gansey, okay? We’ll figure out how to do that.” He stood, brushed the dust off his dark pants, and left.

Blue looked at Noah. “How long have you known?”

“I know a lot about everyone. It’s just not my place to tell.” Blue sat there wondering how much he knew about her and about Gansey.


	3. What are we doing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Adam attempt to navigate what they're doing.

Ronan showed up on Tuesday night and waited outside Adam’s door for him to get off work. It wasn’t the first time he’d shown up late at night. But it was the first time they’d be alone together since waking up after their nap on Sunday. Ronan felt nervous even as he reminded himself he’d done this a hundred times.

When he saw Adam’s tired figure coming up the stairs, he stood. “Hey.”

Adam smiled with tired eyes. “Hey.” He unlocked the door and ushered Ronan in. “Let me change out of my work clothes.” Ronan’s mouth had dried when he saw Adam in his grease stained jeans and t-shirt, smelling of oil and cars. It was so damn sexy.

“Of course.” He sat on Adam’s chair, shuffling around his books at the homework he probably should’ve done. He noticed the hand cream he’d dreamt up sitting on the desk and smiled to himself. He’d dreamt up other things for Adam, of course. But this was the first thing he’d felt comfortable giving him – even if it was given indirectly.

When Adam stepped out of the bathroom in pajama pants and a t-shirt, Ronan had to force himself not to stare. They were loose on Adam, as most clothing was since he ate so little and worked so hard. But that didn’t stop Ronan from noticing the outline of his shoulders or his biceps peeking from the sleeve. Ronan forced himself to remain in the chair and not seize Adam in his arms right away.

Adam slumped onto the bed. “Today was shit.”

Ronan turned toward him. “Want to drive? I’ll let you take the BMW for a spin, even if you drive like a granny.”

Adam shook his head and sat up. “Come here.” It wasn’t a quiet request but a steady command. Ronan moved to comply, his heart racing. It was only a few steps between the desk and the bed but it felt like an eternity passed before Ronan reached Adam, who rose to kiss him hard. Adam’s hands slid under Ronan’s shirt and he gasped at the touch.

“Adam.” It was a question he didn’t know how to ask.

“Take your shirt off.” Adam’s voice was husky and his accent was right below the surface. Ronan did, his heart racing at this demanding side of Adam and he couldn’t help but think of the domination videos Adam had tagged. Adam kissed down Ronan’s jaw and neck, making him gasp. He nipped at Ronan’s collarbone, eliciting a small moan. “You like that?” Ronan could just nod, his hands clenched in Adam’s hair. Adam kissed lower onto his chest and when he kissed below Ronan’s bellybutton, Ronan groaned and pulled him up.

“Adam, Adam.” He was moaning his name as he eagerly kissed the other boy’s mouth. Teeth scraped lips and animalistic noises came from both of them. Ronan was pulling Adam’s shirt off and this time, Adam didn’t hesitate. All the stress and irritation from the day was being drowned out by the feel of Ronan’s skin and lips on his. Ronan finally paused, to Adam’s frustration. “Adam, I want you so bad. Fuck. I do.” Adam leaned closer, pressing his body flush against Ronan’s eliciting another moan when their hips bumped and they both felt just how much desire was flitting through both of them. Adam guided Ronan’s head back down to his, hands flitting over his bare chest and back.

Ronan stumbled back, and Adam groaned. “What the fuck, Lynch? I thought you wanted this.”

Ronan leaned his head against the wall, trying to catch his breath. “I do. I just don’t… I don’t want to go further than we’re ready to. This side of you is so sexy and I… I don’t trust my self control. I’ve never been good at checking my impulses. Street racing, drinking… But I’ll be damned if I fuck things up with you.” His body was on fire and fighting him the entire time he spoke. All he wanted to do was grab Adam, pull his body on top of his own, and explore every inch of his body.

Adam kissed Ronan’s neck, running his hands down his back. “I trust you. Can you trust me?”

“More than anyone.” Ronan doesn’t lie. Adam knew that and his chest tightened with this new knowledge.

“So what do you think is too far? We can make sure we’re on the same page, and check each other if we start to lose too much control.” Ronan didn’t think that this conversation could be sexy and yet as Adam’s breath tickled the back of his neck and ear, he found himself getting more and more turned on.

“I think for tonight,” His breath caught as Adam’s arms wrapped around him and started exploring his chest and stomach. “Tonight we should keep our pants on and our hands out of them.” He said this through gritted teeth, wanting to do exactly what he said they shouldn’t.

Adam nodded. “That sounds just right for me.” He tiptoed up so he could breath and whisper in Ronan’s ear, letting his accent loose, “And ‘sides, from what I remember, you’d like things just fine if you can have my hands on you.”

Ronan groaned again, his head falling backward to Adam’s shoulder. “Fuck, Adam. Shit.” He took a big breath. “Fuck I need a clarification on our rules.”

“Hmm?” Adam was kissing Ronan’s neck, hands still splayed on his abs. Adam loved to feel the way his muscles moved when he reacted to Adam’s attention.

“When we said, keep our pants out… I mean our hands out of our… fuck!” He was cut off when Adam nipped his ear. His breathing became heavier. “Did I mean each other’s pants or our own?”

Adam stepped back, laughing. Ronan turned to look at him and the carefree smile and laughter on Adam’s face took his breath away. “Probably both. Tonight.” He stepped back and kissed Ronan’s lips, his accent fading away. “I have a feeling we’ll have a lot of time for discovering each other’s bodies.”

Ronan muttered, “It’s not like we don’t already know each other’s kinks.”

Adam pressed his forehead against Ronan’s. “Very true. I know about your hand fetish.” He lifted Ronan’s hand to his mouth and kissed each knuckle like he had done before to Adam. “I know that you imagine us fucking in your car.” He kissed each of the tips of Ronan’s fingers and a strangled sound escaped his lips. “I know you want to be dominated.” Ronan’s hips bucked against Adam’s. Adam let his accent drop again. “And I know you have a thing for accents.”

Ronan moaned. “Just yours. Fuck. Those other guys have nothing on you.” The two of them found their way to the bed. As the making out continued, their legs became intertwined and sensation shot through both of them. They were careful that as turned on as they were, as much as their thumbs might run across the top of waistband of each other’s pants, they kept their hands out. Adam learned that this kind of self discipline was more difficult than any he’d experienced yet and Ronan was testing his limits of impulse control. Finally, breathing heavy and thoroughly exhausted, they fell asleep wrapped around each other.

* * *

Morning came too soon for both of them, Adam’s alarm reminding them they had school. Ronan grumbled and tried to keep Adam from getting up. “Fuck that shit.”

Adam laughed and kissed Ronan as he got off the bed. “Mmmm that’s for you, not for me. I actually care about my grades.” He moved to shower while Ronan stretched in his bed. Ronan loved the fact that the sheets and pillows smelled like Adam but now held a hint of him as well. He snuggled in deeper, imagining how Adam looked when the shower started. He was a bit surprised at how short it was, and then remembered that Adam paid a water bill. He started contemplating ways to help reduce that.

He couldn’t take his eyes off the door when it creaked open, and Adam walked out in his boxers to grab his uniform. Adam blushed, feeling self conscious suddenly. This was enough to get Ronan out of bed so he could give Adam a long and hard kiss. “Let’s stay here.”

“As wonderful as that sounds, Ronan, you know I have to go. You could always come with and sneak a kiss on campus.” Adam wasn’t sure where the second part came from, but it sent a thrill through him to be able to be a couple in public.

Ronan smiled against Adam’s lips. “I think we’ll have to tell Gansey before we publicly become a thing. He might kill us if we don’t.” He paused. “But I do think I’ll come to school so I can watch you be a big ole nerd.” Adam swatted at him and finished getting ready. Ronan drove him and they swung by Monmouth so Ronan could quickly change.

* * *

The whole group hung out in Monmouth late that night after Adam got off work. Blue and Gangsey were sitting on a couch, discussing the possibility Helen taking them out in the helicopter for an overhead view of Cabeswater and see if they can notice anything from the sky. The entire idea made Adam shake and Ronan put his hand on his shoulder as they sat down near the others, but clearly leaning on one another. Noah raised an eyebrow at Blue when he saw this.

“Hey, uh, Gansey.” Adam was the first to speak. Ronan could hear the nervousness in his voice and slid one hand onto his lower back. This did nothing to curb the dryness his mouth already had.

Gansey looked over at them, a line furrowing above his brow. “What is it, Adam?”

“Um, well, you see…” Adam faltered, wanting to phrase things just right.

“We’re a thing now.” Ronan jumped in, blunt as usual. Adam flushed.

Gansey looked at them, confused. “A thing?”

Blue laughed. “A couple, doofus.”

Gansey’s eyes widened and then a large smile crossed his face. “Wow. That’s great!”

Adam and Ronan glanced at each other, surprised at how genuine his reaction was. Adam spoke first. “You.. you aren’t surprised or concerned or anything?”

Gansey looked a bit offended. “I’m a little surprised but if you guys are making each other happy, then I want to see you two happy. You guys haven’t been really happy in a long time and that’s all I want to see.” Adam relaxed against Ronan at this comment, a huge load lifting off of him.

Ronan grinned. “So it won’t freak you out if we kiss in front of you?” Gansey looked caught off guard and Ronan turned Adam’s head so he could give him a soft but lingering kiss. He laughed when Gansey turned a little pink and looked away. Adam was also pink, given that Blue and Noah were still looking at them.

Gansey saw this and their lack of surprise. “Wait, did you two know?”

Noah shrugged. “I know a lot of things.” It was always unnerving to them to think about how much Noah might know about what they were thinking.

Blue smiled. “I have sort of been a double agent with this whole thing. At least, a knowledgeable one.” She winked at Adam and Ronan, who both groaned.

“Why am I the last to know?” Gansey’s glasses slipped down his nose a little.

Ronan smirked. “Well, DAD, I don’t know. Maybe because you are uncomfortable discussing elements of sex and kissing?”

Gansey’s mouth moved but no words came out. Ultimately, he just shook his head. He knew he’d be having a talk with each of them later, though. One on one to make sure that they wouldn’t end up hurting one another. Neither of them would be strong enough to handle that.


	4. Just a Touch Goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan picks Adam up from work. They exhaust each other into a peaceful sleep.

It’d been almost a month since they’d started officially dating. Ronan’s school attendance had increased substantially, though it was still spotty. They held hands between classes and snuck a kiss when no one was around. One time, a student, thinking Ronan was out of earshot, called Adam a fag. Adam grimaced but kept walking until he heard the sound of skin hitting skin. Ronan had laid the boy out with one punch and glared at him, threatening that things would be much worse if he said anything like that again. Adam scolded Ronan but was secretly pleased at how protective he was. Things were getting crazier on the Glendower side, and Adam appreciated the little pleasant moments like this one. Sometimes, Adam would sleep over at Monmouth, curled up in Ronan’s bed with him. They were tamer at Ronan’s, mostly because the walls were thin and the one time they got a little frisky there was an uncomfortable Gansey knocking on the door saying he could hear them. Ronan had told him to shut up and deal with it, but they both settled into a more lowkey type of night.

Tonight, however, they were going to Adam’s. Adam had picked up an extra shift at Boyd’s and it was late. Ronan couldn’t help but breathe in the scent of Adam mixed with gasoline. It was more intoxicating than the alcohol he would drink on bad nights or the thrill from street racing. He sighed in contentment, looking at the sleepy boy beside him, whose hand rested on his thigh. Adam was nearly asleep when they pulled into the parking lot of St. Agnes and Ronan leaned over to kiss him.

Adam was sleepy but he enjoyed this. “Mmmm,” he melted against Ronan’s insistent mouth. Ronan’s mouth moved to jaw bone and onto his neck and Adam’s body tightened and relaxed in feeling. “Ronan.”

“Mmm?” Ronan made a questioning noise but didn’t stop his attention on Adam, shifting to his collarbone.

“Ronan, I’m dirty.”

Ronan chuckled. “Perfect.”

Adam laughed. “Not like that you perv. I have gasoline and grease stains.”

“And they’re sexy as hell.” Ronan pulled back a little. “Honestly, Parrish. You’re making it hard to make you feel good.”

“You really want to do this now, in your car, when I am still grimy from work?”

Ronan smirked. “Fuck yes.” With that, Adam leaned over to kiss his boyfriend, hard and wanting. His hands moved to Ronan’s neck and he could feel the stick shift pushing into his leg. Adam cursed and found himself climbing onto Ronan’s lap to get closer to him. Ronan groaned when he felt Adam’s weight pressing down on him. “Oh fuck, Adam.”

Adam could feel himself grow hard and Ronan growing hard beneath him. He grinded his hips, pushing down on Ronan’s lap while kissing his neck and Ronan’s entire body spasmed under him. Adam’s eyes grew darker and he nipped Ronan’s ear. “You like that?” The only response was a breathy moan and Adam did it again, eliciting a louder one that Ronan tried to contain. Adam paused. “Why do you always try to not moan when you feel good?”

Ronan’s eyes opened slightly. “I live with two fucking roommates and thin walls. I can’t exactly let myself get loud when I’m masturbating.”

Adam was quiet, just looking at Ronan’s face, flushed with enjoyment. He smiled softly. “I want to hear them though. And there’s no one here to listen.” Adam pulled Ronan’s shirt off to kiss his chest and Ronan’s breath caught again and a quiet whimper let out. “Don’t be afraid Ronan. Let me know what you like.”

Adam liked being in control. He had so little control of his life, but here, he was in charge. He decided when and where to touch Ronan, to elicit gasps and moans. He was powerful, but aware of how breakable his partner was. For Ronan, who acted tough all the time, it was nice to let go and let himself feel good without worrying about what others thought. He loved letting Adam take control of the situation, even as much as he wanted to show Adam how attractive he was. And fooling around in his car was one of his biggest fantasies.

Ronan let the seat move back to give Adam room. He reclined it and removed Adam’s shirt, pulling him against his body and kissing his neck. It was Adam’s turn to let out small noises. “If you want me to be free about noises, you should, too.” He bucked his hips up against Adam’s and a strangled sound came out of both of them. They stared into each other’s eyes, and Adam found his hand tracing down the front of Ronan’s chest and onto the bulge in his pants. Ronan’s eyes grew wide and he let out a breathy but louder moan. “Christ, Adam.”

Using one hand on the car seat to keep himself propped up from Ronan, Adam worked to unbutton Ronan’s pants, his eyes watching Ronan’s face to make sure this was okay. Ronan’s breathing was labored as he felt the relief from not being so tightly contained. Adam’s hand stroked Ronan on top of his boxers and Ronan whimpered, nuzzling his face into Adam’s shoulder. Adam took that as encouragement and slipped Ronan’s boxers down with his pants. Nervously, Adam took Ronan in his hand, the way he had dreamt about on several occasions. Ronan nipped his shoulder and shook. “Ronan, let me hear how you feel. Don’t hide from me, okay?” As gentle as Adam’s voice was, there was a command behind it. And as he gently squeezed his hand, Ronan yelped and leaned back.

Adam was feeling more and more constricted and removed his hand from Ronan to try and free himself. Ronan caught on and quickly unbuttoned and slid down his pants. Adam held himself up, barely touching Ronan, his heart racing. “You okay?” Ronan’s voice was hungry with desire, but ready to pull back if Adam needed it.

Adam gently let himself lean onto Ronan’s body, all skin to skin at this point. Both boys moaned into each other’s mouths, the contact making them dizzy. Ronan’s hand slid between them, caressing Adam’s thighs and making him waver over him. “Ronan.” It was less of a word and more of a sigh or moan as he made his way up and down Adam’s thigh. He moved dangerously close to Adam’s cock before sliding his hand away again and Adam growled in Ronan’s ear. Ronan felt a dangerous thrill, hearing Adam so raw in emotion.

He finally let his hand touch Adam and he wasn’t sure if he or Adam made more noise. Ronan had dreamt about this so long and yet it never came close to the way Adam felt. His breathing was more ragged and he felt himself growing painfully hard. “Adam. Damn.” He had so much he wanted to say. How perfect Adam was. How amazing he felt. How much better this was than anything he could possibly dream up. Yet all these words were strangled in his throat by the sensations Adam was heaping on him.

Adam let himself grind against Ronan against, sparks flying through him with each sensitive touch. It was clear that Ronan was going through the same kind of bliss and Adam wanted to see him have more. It was like he couldn’t soak in enough of Ronan’s vulnerable sensual face. He took a deep breath and kissed Ronan hard before sliding his mouth down Ronan’s chest, pulling groan after groan from him as he made his way down. Adam’s hands kneaded Ronan’s thighs, filling the car with ragged breaths and moans that sounded suspiciously like Adam’s name. Adam paused, breathing right above Ronan’s dick. Ronan’s hands were tightly gripped the car seat, like it was taking all his strength to keep himself rooted to this moment.

Adam closed his eyes and moved his mouth lower. The entire car reverberated with Ronan’s yell and shaking. Adam had only put the tip into his mouth, and ran his tongue over the slit where beads of precum had gathered. Adam hadn’t known what to expect but he wasn’t repulsed by the salty taste. All he could think was that this was Ronan and that is what he tasted like and he wanted more. When Adam slid his mouth down lower, Ronan’s hands gripped his hair while he moaned, no longer trying to contain them. “Adam… Fuck Adam. Adam I’m going…” His hips bucked and Adam slid off, unsure of how to handle this. Ronan pulled him back to his mouth, lips nipping lips and hot breath muttering curse words. Ronan squeezed Adam’s ass check with one hand and pulled his boxers up just enough to cover him as he rubbed himself to finishing, moaning Adam’s name over and over into his neck.

Adam was shaking and knew he couldn’t take it much longer. Ronan was slightly shaking below him, shaking from a powerful release. Adam pulled off of him and laid back into the passenger seat, rubbing himself and looking at the mostly naked and fully sated man sitting next to him. His breath grew more shallow as he sped up his movements. Ronan, slowly regaining comprehension of what was happening, moved to replace Adam’s hands with his own. Adam moaned and moved into it. “Fuck Ronan. Fuck.” Ronan’s impulse control was gone. He wrapped his mouth around Adam, who jolted in the seat with a yelp. Without hair, Adam’s hands had no purchase on Ronan’s head, and instead he tightly gripped his shoulders, nails digging into tattooed skin. His breathing was more labored and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. “Ronan, I’m… Ro I can’t…” Ronan made eye contact but didn’t remove his mouth and Adam’s eyes grew wide before closing in a violent shake. Ronan swallowed, tasting Adam and unable to believe what just happened.

He rested his head against Adam’s thigh, both breathing heavily. Ronan gave Adam small kisses on the inner thigh now and again, which sent shivers through his body. As their breathing returned to normal, chill started to settle on them. “We should probably go inside.” Ronan reluctantly whispered this, not wanting this moment to end, but aware of the goosebumps spreading across Adam’s thin body. Adam barely nodded, still lacking the energy to move much at all.

Ronan dressed slowly, his limbs still heavy and his head still dizzy. He noticed Adam wasn’t making any movements towards covering himself and he leaned over to pull up Adam’s boxers and pants, giving him a kiss on the stomach in the process. Adam opened his eyes and his words were thick with accent. “I’m sorry. I can get it.” He fumbled with the button and took the shirt Ronan handed him.

“You okay to walk?” It was soft, reverent. He had done this to Adam. Made all the stress, the tension he usually carried disappear into languid limbs and sleepy eyes. Adam nodded.

Ronan got out to open his door for him, his own legs a little shaky. This was more than he could have possibly asked for. Yet, he couldn’t wait to try it again. Adam was off balance, and gripped Ronan’s arm tightly as they shuffled to the apartment. Once inside, they took turns showering. Adam gave Ronan a pair of thin boxers and pajama pants to wear and they tumbled into bed. Before falling asleep, eyes closed and breathing slow, Adam whispered to Ronan. “That was really nice.” He drifted off not long after. Even Ronan couldn’t stay awake, and when he dreamed, it was all bright lights and warm breezes.

* * *

Adam didn’t have work the next morning and he woke to sunlight on his bed and a warm body next to his. He was acutely aware that neither wore a t-shirt. The previous night came flooding back to him and his entire body flushed. He turned to get out of bed but a strong arm tightened around his waist. “C’mere.” He pulled Adam back down against his chest, and played with his hair with the other hand. He was quiet.  “Adam. Adam.” The half awake Ronan repeated his name, like it was a fantasy. Adam relaxed against him. For nearly an hour, they just cuddled. They played with each other’s fingers and traced designs on each other’s chests. They would press their foreheads together or give each other light kisses. It was a slow, sleepy Saturday morning and neither were prepared to move.

Their bliss was interrupted by Ronan’s phone and he spewed a string of profanities that had Adam smiling as he watched Ronan sit up to answer it. “What the fuck do you want?” Adam sat up and started tracing the tattoo pattern, something so uniquely Ronan that he couldn’t help but adore it. “Yeah, shit. We’ll be there.” He hung up, still frustrated.  Adam looked at him when Ronan turned. “Apparently they’ve been waiting for us to go to Cabeswater for nearly half an hour.”

Adam’s eyes grew wide. He was never late for anything. “What time is it?” The clock shone out 10:30am. He had never stayed in bed this long – either it was adventuring, homework, or work that pulled Adam from sleep early in the morning.

“What time do you have to work tonight?” Ronan asked as he was forced to borrow a pair of Adam’s faded jeans and a t-shirt, since he had sort of ruined his the night before.

“Not until 6pm.” Adam’s voice was muffled as he pulled on a shirt and Ronan’s eyes grew slightly wide. “What’s wrong?”

Ronan laughed, a full rare laugh for him. “You don’t have make up by any chance, do you?”

Adam froze and then nodded a little. “From… before. For the bruises.”

Ronan quickly wrapped him in a hug. “You might want to use it. For the hickeys.” Adam’s eyes grew wide and he hurried to the bathroom.

“Why don’t you have any?” Adam’s voice was embarrassed as he applied concealer to his neck and collarbones.

“Oh I do. You just left them in more discreet spots.” Adam was bright red when he returned from the bathroom. “You ready?”

“They’re going to know, aren’t they?” Adam hid his face in Ronan’s shoulder as they walked to the car.

“Do you care?” His voice was a little high, uncertain.

“Not if you don’t.”

* * *

They gang definitely noticed. Blue was whooping and hollering and laughing when they arrived. Gansey was familiar with the site of Adam using makeup to cover bruises and it took him a bit to realize what he was covering now. Noah just smirked at the two of them, to which Ronan flipped him and Blue off. He went to get in the passenger seat of the Pig, but Blue tutted at him. “Don’t you want to sit next to your boyfriend? Or did you get enough of touching him last night?” She slid into the seat. “Thanks for opening the door for me.”

“Smug bitch.” Ronan slid in next to Adam, who sat in the middle. They held hands quietly while Gansey caught them up to speed. The ride was only marginally tense, but moreso because they were late than the reasons why they were late. Ronan at one point whispered into Adam’s good ear, very low. “That was the most relaxing and best night’s sleep I have had.” Adam smiled and nodded in agreement.


	5. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things were bad but graduation is around the corner. Will it be a good day for Adam?

They sat at the table at the Barns. Opal was running around outside and insisted on sleeping in a barn. Ronan didn’t have it in him to argue. Their tea sat untouched in front of them, their hands loosely intertwined. The silence hung in the air. Gansey had died. Adam had watched his heart crumble and watched Ronan break. He had put his hands on Ronan in a dangerous way. Noah was gone. But Ronan, beautiful Ronan, had brought Gansey back to them. Had taken his wonderful creation and put it into Gansey to bring his best friend back – their best friend back. It had been over a week. Neither of them could trust reality. They lay next to each other each night, holding each other for comfort, crying on and off in restless sleep. They wondered when things would feel right again. If they would feel right again.

More time passed and finals were steadily approaching. Gansey and Adam fell back into their school routine, Ronan stayed on the farm to work on creating and cultivating new life into the place. Things were slowly returning to a sense of normal. Adam continued to work his jobs and go to school and spend time with his friends. They had held a private memorial for Noah under the tree in Blue’s yard. Things started to fall back into place, even with holes in their hearts.

Adam and Ronan found themselves alternating between careful, gentle, sweet, reassuring kisses and cuddles and fierce, hungry, desperate touching. They were broken but together they were able to support each other, hold each other together. Blue and Gansey acted much the same way, with Henry being a stabilizing feature.

Adam brought his homework to the Barns. He was working in the living room while Ronan made them dinner, humming a Celtic tune. Adam felt at peace, despite the looming stress of finals and graduation. Ronan had officially dropped out, and neither Adam nor Gansey had it in them to fight this battle. Adam heard the humming stop, and he closed his books. Ronan coaxed Opal into joining them at the table for dinner. Adam saw Ronan, completely at home, and his heart felt like it could burst. “Ronan, are you going to come to graduation?”

Ronan paused and set his fork down. “I… I don’t know.”

Adam’s heart dropped. “Okay.” He didn’t bring it up again that night at dinner. As they climbed into bed and Adam nestled into Ronan’s arms, however, he did. “I know why you wouldn’t want to. To go to graduation. But… I would really like you to.”

Ronan stilled and kissed Adam’s head. “You know how proud I am of you?” Adam didn’t respond, his brain running through the reality of having no one in the crowd at graduation for him. Gansey’s parents would be there and would hug him and congratulate him and so would Blue’s. But they were there for Gansey, not him. Ronan sighed. “I’ll think about it, okay?” Adam nodded into his chest and willed himself to sleep and rest for the final days of classes.

* * *

Finals came and went and Adam came out of them feeling relieved and exhausted. Gansey and Henry clapped him on the back as they strolled out of the building. Henry was smiling and bubbling over. “Guys, we did it. We graduated! We survived hell and graduated!” A teacher glared at him, but he didn’t bother to elaborate that he didn’t mean Aglionby was hell. “Well, mostly survived since you died and all Gansey but you’re here. Adam’s here. I’m here. Blue will be done in a couple weeks.” Adam’s heart constricted with the exclusion of his boyfriend’s name, but he understood that this was purely a school context and Ronan did not fit within it.

Ronan was waiting for them at Nino’s, and Blue was on her shift there. It was a slow night so she was able to hang around with them quite a bit. They inquired about the finals and each of the three boys groaned. They were tough, even by Adam’s standards. His fingers intertwined themselves with Ronan’s and he felt the realization that he was finished with high school wash over him. Ronan kissed him on the top of his head and whispered, “You did it.”

They had celebratory pizza and dessert, and Adam even let Gansey cover the bill. The day had drained all his fight and he just melted into the booth against Ronan, occasionally participating in the active conversation happening around him. Blue noticed his distance and when she went to grab them refills, she asked him to help her carry them back.

“You made it.” She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. She was kissing everyone now that she could. “You completed all your work for Aglionby. All you have to do now is walk across that stage to thunderous applause.” He gave her a half smile as he carried two glasses back to the table. “What’s bothering you?” They paused before getting within earshot of the table.

He knew it was useless to hide it. “No one will be there for me.”

“We will. My mom, Calla, Mr. Grey, we will all be there.”

Adam sighed. “For Gansey.”

“If my hands weren’t full I’d punch you in the arm. For you. For Gansey. For Henry. You guys are family now. Especially you.” Blue stared him down and Adam looked to the floor.

“Ronan isn’t going.” His shoulders sagged. “My parents won’t. I… I sent them an invitation but I know they won’t go. They don’t care.”

“Fuck them. Why isn’t Ronan going?”

“He… he isn’t graduating but he’s part of that class. Everyone will be asking him why or looking down on him.”

“Did you ask him to go?” Blue’s voice was softer now.

“I said I’d like him to.”

“But you don’t think he will.” Blue bumped shoulders with him gently so they didn’t spill their drinks.

“Probably not.” He sighed and turned to go back to the table.

“Want me to talk to him?”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Fine, fine.” They reached the table and distributed the glasses. Curious eyes followed them, wondering at their conversation but the two revealed nothing. Soon the plans shifted to summer plans.

* * *

The day of graduation, Adam stood in his apartment getting ready. He straightened his tie and rolled his shoulders back. This was it. This was what he had spent years and countless grueling hours working toward. He took a deep breath and walked out to his Hondayota. He drove himself to Aglionby, where he put on his graduation robe and cap. Henry and Gansey bumped fists with him as they milled around until they were forced to line up in alphabetical order, separating the friends.

They were seated on the stage while their headmaster gave generic remarks about the traditions and responsibilities that they would have as they moved through life and a speech from a class leader about how much they learned and grew during school. Finally, the handing out of diplomas begun. When Henry crossed the stage with his brilliant smile, there was clapping from the entire audience. When it was Gansey’s turn, everyone clapped but a section in the corner, seating his parents, sister, and Blue’s family cheered louder than the rest. When Adam crossed the stage, the polite clapping (except the continued cheering from Blue’s family) dulled his heart until he heard a shout from the back, “Way to fucking go, Parrish!” His ears turned pink and a lot of people turned to the back to see who would be so disruptive and disrespectful of this solemn occasion. When the names were finished being called, there was a wrap up speech and they were able to move their tassel to the other side of the cap. Then, they were free to mingle with hors d’oeuvres and beverages.

Gansey’s family greeted him with huge smiles and hugs. They had dressed nice for the dressed up occasion. While this was happening, Blue and her family snagged Adam with hugs and tousling his hair. His heart constricted a little. Blue was right about him becoming part of their family. They had even dressed up moderately for the event. Maura slid him a card. “Don’t open it until later.” She warned and he knew better than to argue with her. Blue had slipped away to Gansey’s side and her family quickly joined them. Gansey’s parents clapped him on the back to congratulate him and also pressed a card into his hands. Despite the warmth shown him, Adam felt on the outside of this group.

He anxiously searched the crowd of families and graduates. Someone grabbed him from behind and he flinched. “Sorry.” It was whispered into his ear and he relaxed.

“You came.” It was soft and barely a whisper, holding notes of uncertainty and surprise.

“Of course I did. I love you, Adam.” It was the first time the words had slipped from his lips. Adam wrapped his arms around Ronan’s neck and kissed him, no longer caring if people stared at them.

“I love you, too.” Adam’s eyes were teary and he tried to blink them away without Ronan noticing. Instead, Ronan lifted his hand to his lips and gave him a little kiss. Then, he pressed a small otherworldly flower into his hand. They leaned forehead to forehead until Blue cried out at them.

“Gross!” They turned, blushing, to their friends. Gansey’s parents looked surprised, his sister less so. Blue’s family just laughed, familiar with their antics. They commented on the rarity of Ronan in a suit, to which Ronan winked at Adam, who flushed immediately.

When Adam got home to the Barns, which is where the majority of his stuff had migrated to already, he opened the cards while sitting in Ronan’s lap.  In the one from Blue’s family, the entire family had written short messages to him, praising his hard work. There was also a gift card to a restaurant for $25. He knew that was why they wouldn’t let him open it around them. He sighed before holding the one from Gansey’s family. He just held it for awhile, nervous to open it. “It’s not charity, Adam. It’s a graduation gift. If there is anything in there besides a card with generic congratulatory notes.” With that, he opened the card and indeed there were congratulatory notes. There was also a $100 bill. Adam’s breath caught and he shook his head. “Adam.” Ronan’s voice was soft and his arms wrapped around him tighter. “Adam. If you think in percentages, Blue’s family gave you a more expensive gift. Maybe not objectively, but comparatively. They wanted to show you they care.”

Adam leaned against Ronan’s chest and Ronan placed the cards on the coffee table. “Ronan, I want to tell you something and you to not freak out.” Ronan stilled. “Promise.”

“I will try. I can promise that.”

Adam nodded. “I went to see them. After graduation.” Ronan’s entire body froze as he processed Adam’s words. “I had to. I had to leave there on my terms. To acknowledge everything that had happened and close that chapter properly.”

“You went alone.” Ronan’s voice was carefully controlled, the angry sitting right below the surface.

“Yes. I needed to prove to myself that I was strong, that I was in the right, that I am not the scared boy I used to be. I… Ronan, I know you don’t understand. But I needed to do it and I needed to tell you that I did.” Adam felt Ronan’s arms squeezing tighter and tighter.

“What if something had happened to you?”

“Nothing did. I am fine.” Ronan sighed into his hair, cursing. “Ronan.”

“Hm.” He huffed it out.

“I love you.” Ronan turned Adam so he could look him in the eyes. Adam’s eyes were clear, bright, and trusting. Ronan’s heart constricted.

“I have been in love with you for so long.” Ronan pressed his lips to Adam’s. Adam twisted so he was straddling Ronan. He peppered Ronan with kisses, using his tie to pull him closer.

“You didn’t change. All day you’ve been home and you didn’t change.” Adam’s voice was husky and filled with admiration and adoration.

“You like it when I dress up.” Ronan felt himself unbuttoning Adam’s dress shirt. His lips quickly followed his hands. Adam caught Ronan’s hands before he pulled off his shirt. Ronan pouted. “Why?”

“I want to show you something.” Adam’s nerves were tingling and he rebuttoned a few buttons before pulling Ronan out to his car.

“We’ve already fooled around in the car a few times Adam. I don’t think that is showing me something new.” His voice was unsure even as his words were ridiculing.

“That’s not what I’m showing you. Get in the car.” Adam had grabbed Ronan’s keys.

“Don’t mess up my car, Parrish.” Adam rolled his eyes and took off his tie that was still loosely hanging around his neck.

“Do you trust me?”

“You know I do.”

“I’m going to blindfold you, okay?” Ronan’s heart about leapt out of his chest, but he nodded. Adam wrapped the tie around Ronan’s eyes, his thoughts flitting quickly back to when Ronan had to blindfold him and tie his hands back when he had tried to choke him. He shook his head, forcing that thought out of his head. This was different.

They drove in silence, Ronan unsure of where they were going or why. But he trusted Adam completely and leaned back in the seat, letting Adam take total control of the night. Finally the car stopped. Adam got out of the car, opened Ronan’s door, and unbuckled him. He carefully guided Ronan up steps that Ronan was all too familiar with. “We’re at your apartment?”

“Shush.” Ronan did what he was told but had a small smile on his face. “Hold still, okay?” Adam left Ronan where he was. Adam slowly went around the room, lighting candles he had convinced Blue to let him have. She had also helped coordinate getting flower petals for the bed. His heart was racing. The day had been a roller coaster of emotions, but this was something he had planned. No matter how the day had started, he wanted his graduation day to end on a good and special note.

He walked behind Ronan and undid the knot holding up the tie. Ronan’s breath caught in his throat as he took everything in in the candlelight. Adam leaned against Ronan’s back and nervously whispered, “It’s okay if you don’t want to, but I wanted to make love to you.”

Ronan turned and gently kissed his lips. “Is this because I told you I love you?” He had a teasing smile on his lips and Adam flushed.

“I’ve, um, actually been planning this for a few days. I wanted to have today be special, no matter what happened with graduation.” Ronan pulled Adam to his chest, his heart full. “Is that okay?”

Ronan nodded, nervously. “I would really like to do this.” Ronan’s tough guy exterior hid a softie that Adam loved to bring out. As wild and dangerous and thrilling as Ronan could be, and Adam loved to explore that side of him, it was just as amazing to bring out his gentle side.

The weight of expectation hung in the air and Adam gulped. “I believe before I kidnapped you, we were in the middle of something.” Ronan grinned and went back to work removing Adam’s shirt, laying kisses across his chest. Adam pulled them back together to lick and nips at Ronan’s lips, jaw, ear, neck. He’d loosened Ronan’s tie to access his collarbone. “Dammit.”

Ronan pulled back immediately. “What’s wrong?”

Adam growled. “I can’t touch you with your shirt on but you look so fucking good in it I don’t want to take it off.” Ronan laughed and used his teeth to graze Adam’s good ear.

“Then take something else off.” Adam felt himself starting to bulge against his pants and met Ronan in a kiss while unbuttoning his, revealing how hard he already was. “Mmmmm, Adam.” Ronan’s sighs were breathy and not all that quiet anymore. Adam loved to hear how breathless he made Ronan and it spurred on his action, pulling down Ronan’s pants and sliding his hands under his shirt. Adam stepped away a moment and Ronan pouted. “What’re you doing? Come back here.” But he made no effort to move towards Adam, always letting Adam pick the pace.

“I’m just looking at my sexy boyfriend.” Adam’s words were breathless, admiring, appreciating the body he was allowed to have unlimited access to. Ronan stood across from him, not posing but not shrinking, wearing his boxers, dress shirt, and tie. “You are delicious.”

Ronan grinned. “You wanna taste?” Adam quickly closed the gap but inside of meeting Ronan’s mouth as he intended, he slid to the floor and blew hot air onto Ronan’s bulge. Fingers wrapped themselves in hair and Ronan heard himself begging. “Oh please, Adam. Please.” That’s all it took for Adam to remove his boxers but he didn’t take him in his mouth right away. He kissed Ronan’s inner thighs, breathed onto his dick and watching it twitch at the feeling. “P-please. Fuck just touch me.” His hips were jerking towards him and Adam licked up the length of him, causing him to shake and shudder. “Fuck, yes.”

Adam stood and kissed him. Ronan was unbuckling Adam’s pants and soon enough they were both naked and on the bed, hands and lips touching nearly every inch of their bodies. When Ronan squeezed Adam’s ass cheeks while grinding against him, Adam’s moan fueled him to do it again. Ronan looked at Adam, laying side by side, hands still exploring but Adam’s eyes half closed in pleasure and couldn’t help himself. “I fucking love you.” Adam’s eyes opened and he nodded with a half smile.

“Ro-ronan?” It wasn’t like Adam to suddenly become shy in the middle of fooling around, not any more. That was a big sign to Ronan that things were about to become more intense.

He kissed Adam’s hands. “Yes?” He was breathy with anticipation.

“How… how do you want to do this?” Adam’s eyes closed again. “Like…” His face flushed and Ronan understood what he was trying to ask.

“I want you to fuck me. Okay?” Adam’s eyes flew open at Ronan’s soft but definitive answer. “But…” He looked nervous. “I don’t… I haven’t tried…”

Adam nodded. “I have condoms and lube. I’m not stupid. We’ve never tried anything like this. Just make sure you let me know what’s okay.” He kissed Ronan before walking over to the desk and pulling out the lube and a condom. Ronan watched in fascination as Adam slipped it on himself before rejoining him on the bed. He moved back to Ronan’s side, touching and kissing him over and over, one hand sliding down to grip his cock. He paused, removed his hand to Ronan’s displeasure, and put some lube on his fingers. “I’ve only seen how to do this…”

Ronan finished his sentence quietly. “In porn. I’ve seen your videos, remember?” They’d actually watched a few together over the last few weeks, learning what drew them to each video. Knowing Ronan’s drive to feel alive, to do something risky, Adam was able to understand his draw to the BDSM videos. Ronan also understood why Adam would never want to be on the receiving end of something with even mild violence. Ronan took one of Adam’s fingers on his nonlubed hand and sucked on it, drawing a gasp from Adam. He made eye contact and nodded.

Adam’s hand slid between Ronan’s leg, making his gasp and moan while still kissing Adam’s hand. Adam paused, then slowly slid one finger into Ronan. His whole body froze and Adam did with it, watching Ronan’s face for signs of going or stopping. After a moment, Ronan started to relax and nodded at Adam. He slid it in further, and watched Ronan’s eyes flutter. He slid it in and out, watching Ronan’s body react to this new sensation. Adam’s mouth was dry and he licked his lips before sighing out, “Do you want more?”

This should’ve sounded authoritative and determined but instead was soft and tentative. Ronan nodded, not trusting his voice. Adam pulled his finger out and applied more lube, this time adding a second finger. Ronan’s reactions kept Adam hard, watching his boyfriend react to the pleasure he was giving. Ronan grabbed Adam’s wrist suddenly, making him pause. His eyes were closed still, breathing ragged. “Please.”

Adam removed his fingers and stroked himself, getting the condom ready for Ronan. He moved between Ronan’s legs, spreading them apart to make room for him. He paused before entering him. “Ronan.” It was a plea and Ronan’s eyes opened again. “Ronan, I… I want to watch you.” Ronan nodded, trying to keep his eyes open as Adam leaned in for a kiss. With their facing barely an inch apart, Adam slid into Ronan. Slowly and gradually, pausing each time Ronan’s breath hitched, he filled Ronan and he wasn’t sure he could keep himself together from the intensity of it. “God, Ronan.” Their eyes were trained on each other as they started to move, hips rolling against hips. Each time he pushed in, Adam’s eyes would flit closed and Ronan would cup his face, his expression full of ecstasy.

“Adam. Oh, Adam.” His voice was husky and he felt himself spiraling. Each time Adam hit a certain spot inside him, his moans filled the room. He slid one hand between them, working at himself while Adam supported himself above, muscles taut against Ronan’s skin each time they grazed each other. Their tempo increased and the entire apartment was filled with ragged breaths, groans, and moans as they nipped at each other and pressed messy kisses while they climbed.

“Ronan I don’t think I can…” He made to move and Ronan held him.

“Adam, relax and let go.” Adam’s eyes were wide. Ronan had never hesitated to take on Adam’s orgasm, yet Adam still felt like he shouldn’t let himself go on Ronan. But here he was, encouraging it.

Adam leaned his head onto Ronan’s. Their chests were sweaty and Ronan had one hand on Adam’s ass, feeling the muscles move with each thrust. The tempo picked up again, and Ronan could feel himself approaching the need for release. When Adam came, loudly, Ronan couldn’t contain himself. Adam collapsed onto Ronan, both of them messy with sweat and come. They held each other for several minutes, bringing themselves back down to earth. Adam carefully got up to discard the condom and bring something over to help them clean up.

He climbed back in bed with Ronan after extinguishing the candles, who was laying on his chest. Adam traced the tattoo he felt he would never get tired of looking at and touching. “Are you okay?” Not all of the noises Ronan had made sounded like pleasure, but he had encouraged Adam on each step of the way.

Ronan rolled over, bringing Adam to the bed with him. “I’m fan-fucking-tastic.” He kissed Adam. “I might not be able to move for a day or two but I think if it means staying in bed with you, I could deal with that.” His grin was teasing, joyful.

Adam relaxed and a smile spread across his face. “That really was amazing.” He laughed a breathy laugh. “I freaking love you, Ronan Lynch.”

“I fucking love you too, Adam Parrish.” Before drifting off to sleep, he leaned over to whisper. “Now that is something I would like to try in and on the car.”

Adam chuckled. “I already put some condoms and lube in the glove box.”

Ronan kissed him hard for good measure. “You’re absolutely perfect.”


End file.
